Love at first sight?

It all started when I was six years old. While playing outside on my farm in California, I met a boy. He was an average kind of boy who teased you, and then you chased him and beat him up. After that first meeting, in which I beat him up, we kept on meeting and beating each other up at the fence. That only lasted for a little while, though. We would meet at the fence all the time, and we were always together. I would tell him all my secrets. He was quiet, very quiet, and he would just listen to what I had to say. I found him easy to talk to, and I could talk to him about everything.

In school, we had separate friends, but when we got home, we would always talk about what happened in school. One day I told him that a boy I liked had hurt me and broken my heart. He just comforted me and said everything would be okay. He gave me words of encouragement and helped me get over him. I was happy and thought of him as a real friend. But I knew there was something else about him that I liked. I thought about it that night and figured it was just a friend kind of thing that I was feeling.

All through high school and even through graduation, we were always together, and of course, I thought of it as being friends. But I knew deep inside that I really felt differently. On graduation night, even though we had different dates for the prom, I wanted to be with him. That night, after everybody went home, I went to his house and wanted to tell him that I wanted to see him. Well, that night was my big chance, and all I did was just sit there with him, watching the stars and talking about what I was going to do and what he was going to do.

I looked into his eyes and listened to him talk about his dream, how he wanted to get married and settle down. He said how he wanted to be rich and successful. All I could do was tell him my dream and cuddle next to him. I went home hurting because I did not tell him how I was feeling. I wanted to tell him so badly that I loved him, but I was too scared and frightened. I let my feelings go and told myself that someday I would tell him just how I felt.

All through college, I wanted to tell him, but he always had someone with him. After graduation, he got a job in New York. I was happy for him, but at the same time, I was sad to see him go. I was also sad because I did not tell him how I felt. But I could not let him know now that he was leaving for his big job. So I just kept it to myself and watched him go on the plane. I cried as I hugged him for what I felt was going to be the last time. I went home that night and cried my eyes out. I felt hurt that I did not tell him what I had in my heart.

Well, I got a job as a secretary and then worked my way up to a computer analyst. I was proud of what I had accomplished. One day I got a letter with an invitation to a marriage. It was from him, and I was happy and sad at the same time. Now I knew that I could never be with him and that we could only be friends. I went to the wedding the next month.

It was a big occasion. At the big church wedding and the reception at the hotel, I met the bride and, of course, him. I fell in love one more time. But I held back so it would not spoil what should be the happiest day of his life. I tried to have fun that night, but it broke my heart to see him so happy while I tried to hide my sadness by being happy. I left New York feeling that I did the right thing.

Before I left on the flight, he came running out of nowhere and said his goodbyes and how he was very happy to see me. I came home and just tried to forget about what went on in New York. I had to go on with my life.

As the years went on, we wrote to each other about what was going on and how he had missed talking to me. On one occasion, he never wrote back to me at all. I was getting worried as to why he had not written anything for a long time after I had already written him six letters. Well, just when everything seemed hopeless and sad in my life, I got a note that said, “Meet me at the fence where we used to talk about things.”

I went and saw him there. I was happy to see him, but he was broken-hearted and sad inside. We hugged until we could not breathe anymore. Then he told me about the divorce and why he had not written for a long time. He cried until he could not cry anymore. Finally, we went back to the house and talked and laughed about where I had been and caught up on old times.

But in all of this, I could not tell him how I felt about him. In the days that followed, he had fun and forgot about all his problems and his divorce. I fell in love again with him. I went to see him off and cried when it was time for him to return to New York. I hated to see him leave. He promised to see me every time he could get a holiday. I could not wait for him to come so I could be with him. We would always have fun when we were together.

One day he did not show up like he said he would. I figured that he might have been busy. The days turned into months, and I just forgot about it. Then I got a call one day from a lawyer in New York. The lawyer said that he had died in a car accident going to the airport. And that it took this long till everything was settled. It broke my heart. I was shocked about what had taken place. Now I knew why he did not come that day.

Again, I was broken-hearted. I cried that night, tears of sadness and heartache, asking questions like, “Why did this happen to a kind boy like him?” I gathered my things and went to New York for the reading of his will. Of course, things were given to his family and his ex-wife. I finally got to meet her after not seeing her since the wedding. She explained to me how he was and how he always provided. But he was always unhappy. She would always try everything, but she could not make him happy, as he was that night at their wedding.

When the will was read, the one thing that was given to me was a diary. It was a diary of his life. I cried as it was given to me. As I flew on the plane, I remembered the good times that we had together. I started reading the diary to see what was written. The diary was started with the day we first met. I read on until I started to cry.

The diary told how he had fallen in love with me that day, and I was broken-hearted. But he was too afraid to tell me what he had felt. That is why he was so quiet and liked to listen to me. It told of how he wanted to tell me so many times but was too afraid to say anything. It told of when he went to New York and fell in love with someone else. The happiest time he had was seeing me and dancing with me at the wedding. He said he imagined it was our wedding.

He was always unhappy until he had no choice but to divorce his wife. The best time in his life was reading the letters written to him by me. Finally, the diary ended when it said, “Today I will tell her I love her.” That was the day he was killed. The day I was going to finally find out what was really in his heart.

If you love someone, do not wait till tomorrow to tell him or her. Maybe that next day will never come at all.

The End.